i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Randomize