He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
i love accidental penises.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
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