Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
