I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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