i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
