I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
