I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
