White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Randomize
