Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize