either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
