I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
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