Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
