I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
