I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize