just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
