I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
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