adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
then he tried to convert me to islam
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
