We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
