My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
