I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
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