I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
