Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
