You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
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