we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
