Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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