and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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