drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
Randomize
