i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
