So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
