I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
