I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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