i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Randomize
