Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
