Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Randomize
