Where is the hickey?
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
