if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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