In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
I cockslap morals
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
