I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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