I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize