I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
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