Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize