If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Randomize
