Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
