well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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