Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
