I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
Did you just see the Batmobile???
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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