what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Randomize
