I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
