the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize