he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
