if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize