My Higher Power is John Stamos
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
