I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
i will never coherently bang her
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
