Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Randomize
