I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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