I want to stick my p in your. b.
Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
