oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize
