I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I supernannyed him into submission
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
