I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize