I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
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