Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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