Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
